Christian Living, dementia, selfworth, Uncategorized, weight loss

I am overwhelmed. I am humbled.

I am overwhelmed. I am humbled.

Since my move to Sheridan, I’ve done the same thing every evening. Mom and I help grandma to the bathroom, get her nightgown on, help her take her pills, and put her into bed. We sing a few songs, give her a kiss, and turn the light off as we say our goodnights to each other. When I crawl into bed, I dig out my laptop, open a new word document and stare at the blank screen. My desire to write deepens every day, but somehow, I haven’t been able to put any words down until now.

I came into this move very confident in my abilities to care for my grandparents, specifically my grandma with dementia. I have a bachelor’s degree in mental health and have completed a semester of graduate school with a 4.0. I held my head high and told everyone that I had it in the bag. I knew exactly what my grandparents needed and how to accomplish it quickly and painlessly.

Soon after the move, grandma fell and fractured two vertebrae, resulting in a 3-day hospital stay and a very uncomfortable back brace.

A week after we got home from the hospital, grandpa’s pulse dropped so low it triggered previous stroke scar tissue, resulting in a one-night stay in the ICU.

Needless to say, my confidence flew out the window.

So, what do I have to say to my audience other than HELP ME!? I don’t have words of wisdom to offer other caregivers, and I certainly don’t have tips and tricks to make dementia easier. All I have is empathy.

Being a caregiver is hard; being a caregiver to a dementia patient is even harder.

The days when she doesn’t know who I am make me sick inside. When she desperately begs for the phone to call her mother, I fight back my tears as hard as I can. When my mom is in her room crying because her own mother doesn’t know who she is, I want to scream. When grandpa wants to know when his wife’s mind will get better all I can do is grab his hand and pray.

Why is this happening to us.

Why is this happening to me.

Why is this happening to her.

I never thought that at the age of 27 I would be back in my hometown, living in my grandparents’ front room, and supporting myself and my mother on a 13 dollar an hour salary, but here I am. I wouldn’t have guessed that I would be 124 miles away from my best friends, and that some nights I would feel so incredibly alone that the darkness of my room swallows me whole. It never crossed my mind that my grandmother would forget who I am.

But I would do it 100 times over if I had to.

So, I am back after a long break, but I don’t know what the future of this blog looks like. I’d like to say thank you to my readers and those who have reached out via Instagram and Facebook. I am excited to reconnect and regroup.  

With love,

Karisa.

12 thoughts on “I am overwhelmed. I am humbled.”

  1. You are so much stronger than you will ever know. It’s the challenges that must be faced and so are faced with a spirit of love that truly show who we are. Being overwhelmed and humbled is natural. Continuing on is beautiful.

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  2. You are doing great. It is so difficult to care for elderly parents (grandparents) because of the emotional attachment and difficulty in seeing someone you love in such distress. You are their strength and you should be proud of the awesome things you are doing.

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  3. You are such a kind soul after I read this. I feel very proud of you to take care of your grandparent and I am sure it is not an easy task, furthermore granny has dementia. Keep going and be strong and have no regrets to do this.

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  4. It can be extremely difficult to take care of elderly family especially with a mental illness. Be strong for them, they are blessed to be in your care.

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  5. Its definitely a trying time for you, but you are so strong and there is so much love in you and your grandparents are blessed to have you in their lives

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  6. I am so sorry to hear you are struggling but it is such a worthwhile thing to do and I am sure you Mum and Grandmother appreciate everything you are doing

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