Happy New Year!
As cliché as this sounds, I really can’t believe it is 2019. I swear I graduated high school about 2 years ago but I guess it’s been almost 9!
A year ago today I promised myself several things. I was going to lose weight, write more, make new friends, spend more time with my current friends, and work to overcome my anxiety a little more each day and for the first time in my life, I was able to accomplish all these things! I lost weight, albeit not a lot, but it still happened! I made and spent time with friends, wrote more, and had less anxiety attacks, which all came together to create a very good 2018.
A new thing I did in 2018 was pick a word to focus on: prayer. I put up a prayer board, completed several studies on prayer, and did my best to pray at least two times per day. I wanted to learn how to pray for others. I had spent most of my prayer time focusing on myself and what my needs were, which meant I hardly prayed for others and what they needed. I wanted to be a person who thought of others before herself, a person who considered the needs of others and would diligently go to God on their behalf. Now, I don’t think I am anywhere near perfection on this, but I have gotten less selfish over the past 365 days.
In 2019 my word is going to be vulnerable. I want to open myself up more and see how my past can be used for my future. My Instagram feed is full of perfect lives, perfect hair, perfect families. I see a lot of perfect weight loss journeys and perfect gym selfies, but what I don’t see are the real things. The days when anxiety ties us down to our beds, or the days where we eat way too much chocolate. I don’t see the messy houses, sweaty gym faces, or the jeans that squeeze in all the wrong places.
But this is what I want to see.
I am tired of pushing out lies on social media. I don’t want to look like I am living the perfect life, because I am not. Every day there are challenges that get in the way of my goals and progress, but I choose not to share those because they don’t get as many likes.
But 2019 is going to change that.
I have been through a lot in my 27 years here and I look forward to sharing that with the world. So, I would like to announce my new project for this year: Fat Girls Never Win.
My hope is to share with you all the stories of my life and how they have influenced who I am today. These stories will focus on my weight, my family, my traumatic experiences, and anything else that pops into my mind. But most importantly, they will be real and vulnerable. I hope that some of you will be able to connect with these stories and find hope in knowing you aren’t alone.