“Don’t take this the wrong way but…you like to play the victim.”
He wasn’t wrong. I do enjoy playing the victim, but did he have to call me out so blatantly?! My best friend (you know who you are) is not known for sugar coating things. He will tell me when my singing sounds great, when my writing is on point, and he will also tell me when I am being a big baby. My eyes rolled back into my head and I sunk even lower into my office chair as I read his message.
“Yeah, I do like to play the victim. It’s my talent.” I crossed my arms, hoping he could sense me pouting all the way across town.
For those who aren’t aware, this week has been pretty dang crappy. I’ve had some personal things going on with friends and school, and if I’m being honest, I wish I could have slept this week away. Sadly, I have bills to pay and I like to eat food, so I had to get out of bed.
But these things are not my fault!
You see, I am a true victim of the world. I am clearly being targeted by God or fate or bad luck and it really needs to end! All week I have moped around my house and complained to my friends about how unfair it is that certain things keep happening to me. How is it fair that my life has not aligned perfectly? Why am I not married yet? WHERE IS MY DOG?!
I have been in a constant state of grief over things taken away and things that have yet to come.
But today, as my best friend pointed out the cold hard truth with a virtual slap to my face, I realized I am not the victim; but it is way easier to be the victim than the person at fault.
I have come to realize, and maybe everyone else knows this already, that it is so easy to blame other people for your mishaps. For me, God is a big target. I blame him for not providing what I think I need, for not giving me the life I imagined I would have by now, and for the love of all that is holy, why don’t I have a dog yet?! God is my giant scapegoat in the sky. When something goes wrong, I turn my back on him. I yell, scream, cry and doubt my once strong faith (see my last blog post). I tell my friends that I am just unlucky, and it was fated to not work out, but in reality, it is just life.
Life wasn’t promised to be perfect. God never said follow me and you will have no troubles, so why do I act like I am entitled to an ideal life? My selfish desires drive me to find someone or something to blame when things go wrong. My jealousy of others leads me to down play what I have in my life, and my need for recognition pushes me to strive for goals I don’t want to accomplish.
My focus needs to change.
Being the victim doesn’t allow me to grow as a person when life gets tough, it gives me an easy out. Today, I will work on changing my mind set from victim to hero. I will look for opportunities to grow and change in times of great disappointment. I will be the person I know I can be, no matter how hard it is to get there.
“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.” –Isaiah 55:8-9